This sounds like an excerpt from Ripley’s, but believe it or not, I have a tan. I do. No, really. To my nonexistent oncologist’s dismay, I see this as a good thing. Mostly.

In high school I pulled a brief stint as an assistant at an optometry clinic and have been a sunglasses fiend ever since. Alas, my eye gear addiction and proximity to the equator have transformed me into an inverted panda with pasty patches encircling my eyelids.

Very attractive, I assure you. My fellow students swoon at the sight. (Insert massive “NOT!” a la Wayne’s World here) In addition, I am peeling from last week’s sun burn. Can’t believe I just devoted three paragraphs to my dermis. Right.

Que mas………Joined a gym. Am presently blaming all my worldly troubles on the altitude. So, in that same spirit, I say my heaving was not the result of rampant tortilla consumption and two solid months of lethargy, but rather a product of the evils of elevation.

Thank God for Taco Bell, without whom my kickboxing experience would have been a total, complete and utter language letdown. “Yo quiero warriors!!!” This exclamation was usually accompanied by some sort of guttural growl by our instructor. I don’t think the odds that anyone mistook a panting, would be pacifist for a warrior are in my favor. Oh well. What I lacked in grunts and tenacity I made up for in mal-coordination and sweat.

I also signed up for Flamenco, largely because it is a fun word to pronounce, and am enrolling in Salsa lessons as well. I’m already proficient in the art of eating it, so I feel this will give me an upper hand. Can I just say I love that we eat tacos and tamales for breakfast? I can and I will and I do. Love it.

What I do not love is that I have a Justin Timberlake song stuck in my head. Here’s to wishing J-to-the-T was bringing silence back.

Classes are improving. If you were one of the poor, misfortunate souls who received a call from me complaining that they were, “like, yeah, totally in Spanish,” find comfort in the knowledge that my comprehension and vocabulary are increasing, therefore laments launched your direction will be decreasing .

I haven’t been homesick yet, but randomly really miss peanut butter….mmmm, Smucker’s all natural peanutty goodness. Chunky, of course. Somehow, I don’t think that would ship well. Sad day.